moonlight through the pines

2003-07-01T15:10:00.000-05:00

2003-06-30T18:00:00.000-05:00

Check. It. Out.

It's back up and running.

WinterVegetable.com went up again yesterday. Not everything's up yet, so if some stuff doesn't work... well, it will soon.

moonlight through the pines: blossoming

Up and working. And hopefully, with luck, never down again.

How great is that?

2003-06-24T17:54:00.000-05:00

I'm not dead...

Just traveling. A lot. I'm back, and wv.com's being switched over to new in-house servers.

Once that gets done, I'm going to go in and beat MT until it cooperates. ("The beatings will continue until morale improves.")

Anyway.

I'm still here.

Just... quiet.

2003-05-27T13:36:00.000-05:00

Check it out!

moonlight through the pines: the moveable type edition

Up and running.

2003-05-26T10:14:00.000-05:00

Graduation, and all that stuff afterwards.

Oh, where do I start?

Okay, so, I woke up Saturday morning at 9:15, got up, started getting ready, played cards with Mom, got ready, ate brunch, waited for Marge, and left to go to graduation.

So, graudation itself.

There was a lot of traffic on Cullen, so when we got close, I just got out and walked. Except, I got out and walked while still wearing my sunglasses. Yeah, anyway.

So, I get inside that terribly warm gym, after a stop into the busy women's locker room to get decked out in my gown, medals, honor cords, and cap. (And then after I got out into the actual gym, this swarm of people descended upon me screeching that I had my tassel on the wrong side of my cap.)

I switched the tassel quite quickly---actually, it was switched for me, but that's another story.

In the gym, wouldn't you know it that everyone but the summa cum laude graduates get chairs to sit down in? Yeah, everyone but the number ones, the people sitting on the stage, got chairs...

(But once we were out there, they got uncomfortable folding chairs and we got rather comfortably-cushioned chairs.)

As I was saying, Garrison Gym was rather warm. When I say "rather", I mean very. Especially in cap, gown, and long hair (it's now past my shoulders---I still haven't cut it).

Well, Mom managed to sneak her way into the gym to make sure I'd gotten there okay, and she snapped a photo of Paula, Melanie, and me.

I saw Mrs. Gordon, my freshman homeroom teacher, and she gave me a huge hug. When she saw Mom, the three of us got a good laugh about Fish Camp, oh so long ago.

Needless to say, when we walked outside of that hellhole of a gym into the very nicely air conditioned pavillion, we were all very grateful.

Graduation, itself, went very smoothly.

Yes, Eddie was the valedictorian. (And there were thirty-two summa cum laude graduates, including me and including Eddie and the saludatorian.)

Mom, Kevin, and Marge sat directly in my line of vision across the pavillion; it was great.

After graduation, I pushed past Julie to give Alecia a hug, then went down the ramp off of the stage to find Paula and Melanie again. I took a quick foray to see if I could find Parks (because I'd seen him earlier but when I'd snuck away from my group in the gym, two seconds later, Grigar got on the mircophone and started yelling about everyone needing to be in their places NOW), but I couldn't find him.

Outside, found Dad and then Mom, Kevin, and Marge. (Dad gave me the roses that you gave him, Mags. They're now in a vase with the dozen yellow roses that Mom gave me that morning. And they're BEAUTIFUL!)

Interactions with Dad were slightly uncomfortable, and I know he wasn't going to give me a hug before he left because he was turning away when I held out my arms, and he stopped, looked at me, and waited a beat before hugging me.

Yeah, so that whole empowerment thing, for those you didn't know, was me banning him from graduation dinner because he was being a complete and total schmuck (and I'd finally realized I was being a complete and total doormat).

We went to the symphony last night, he and I, and he tried to make things uncomfortable, but I just ignored him... When I banned him from dinner, I told him that Sunday would be our graduation dinner, because we'd been planning the symphony for at least a month and a half.

For those of you keeping up on the dinner saga, we went to Ruggles. I was happy. He tried to make me feel vaguely guilty about it, but I didn't. I got my fetuccini with grilled chicken, black bean salsa, and goat cheese, and I was very happy.

But I'm skipping ahead of myself.

Mom, Kevin, Marge, and I went to dinner after graduation at Joe's Crab Shack, where a waiter came over at the end of our meal, collected me, and introduced me to everybody. And when I say everybody, I do mean everybody. He did it announcement-style, and then we went around to EVERY table, where I shook hands. With everyone.

It was actually quite fun.

Then Mom and I went home, Kevin went to the studio, and Marge went back to her home, and Mom and I watched one-and-a-half Law & Orders before I headed off to pick up Paula for Project Graduation.

Now, let me first say that I have never before pulled an all-nighter, and Project Graduation was from 9pm to 5am. I never expected to stay the whole night.

Project Graduation was SO MUCH FUN!!!

I now love roulette. I already loved blackjack (and I won a whole lot of money on that), but now I love roulette.

Project Graduation had casinos, face-painting, caricature artists, a hypnotist (that was fun to watch), a magic show (which we skipped), lots of food, and in the one gym, sumo-wrestling, moonwalk twister, a moonwalk obstacle course, and moonwalk bungee-cord racing.

It was the moonwalk bungee-cord racing that gave me whiplash.

But it was SO MUCH FUN... On the third try, I raced, and I slapped down my velcro ball thing, and the bungee cord snapped me backwards and I went over the lane-divider and landed not only in Paula's lane, but on TOP of Paula. That was hilarious...

Sumo-wrestling was great fun, too...

And so was foosball. Mike and Andy were playing, and Paula and I went to watch, and then I joined Mike, and she joined Andy, and we did doubles, and that was so much fun...

So, first we're playing with our 9pm raffle tickets, and then next thing we know we're playing with our 11pm raffle tickets, and then it's midnight and we're watching the hypnotist, and then it's 2am and we're playing with the 2am raffle tickets, and then we're doing moonwalk twister and it's 3am and time for the magic show, but we skipped it because we were going to do sumo-wrestling, and then we go back out to the casino, and the next thing we know, it's 4am.

At this point, Paula and I looked at each other... "Are you tired?" "No, are you?" "Not really." "Want to try for five?" "Sure!"

And we made it.

I didn't get to bed until almost six in the morning. And I slept until four in the afternoon, when Mom opened the door to my room and woke me up with, "Alex? Get up. It's four, and your father's going to be here at five."

Did I mention I probably won somewhere along the lines of a million dollars at blackjack? Yeah, I put forty-thousand dollars on a hand of blackjack, got 21, and let it ride for five more winning hands...

Yeah, that was fun.

Project Graduation was really fun. It was a nice way to end out the year.

2003-05-24T18:21:00.000-05:00

May 24, 2003

I am now graduated.

(The ceremony was prety boring, but at least our seats on the stage were comfy...)

More later---Project Graduation starts at 9, so that should be interesting.

2003-05-23T20:35:00.000-05:00

Empowerment.

It's a wonderful thing.

Yesterday, I went to lunch with Holli, got my eyebrows done, got a pedicure, and battled the living embodiment of my greatest insecurities.

And I won.

It felt great.

I completely astounded him; I really did. Every single thing he tried to use against me, I called him on the carpet for. Every thing he tried to pull, I struck down and called him on it.

I will no longer be a doormat.

So, what am I? I'm an empowered little bitch, that's what I am. Damn proud of it, too.

{grin}

My last day of high school was today. When Paula and I left the senior barbecue (very early; it was boring, and the music sucked), we stepped out of the school for the very last time as students.

I tried on my cap and gown for the very first time this evening.

And then I tried on all of my medals (the Top 15 medal and the Texas Scholars medal) and all of my cords (NHS, SHS, Honors Graduate, Acadec) with it.

It looked good.

I get to wear my American Legion (pin-on) medal with it that I got at Awards Night. (I asked Sra. Perez today, and she gave me the okay.)

So, I went and visited Major today.

Side-tracking a bit: I was wearing this really cute outfit today---white spaghetti-strap tank-top, white blouse half-open over it, and the black (above-the-knee) skirt embroidered with white and green and turquoise at the hem. It was cute.

Anyway, so I drove over to the ROTC room, and I'm wearing this, and my SHS honor cords are draped around my neck, and my little boppy-headband thing with the stars (you know, like we had as kids?) that they handed out to all the seniors...

I walked into the ROTC room, wearing this, holding my keys and my sunglasses in my hand---interrupting class, mind you. So, I snuck by Sergeant Turnage, and all the kids (underclassmen, probably all freshmen---I was before their time) stared at me like I'd dropped off from Mars. I wasn't wearing my ID, so god knows who they thought I was...

I had a nice time seeing Major. He's been a really good positive influence in my life over the past four years. Yes, so I became burned by the program, and a bit disillusioned, but it was time, and I'd grown out my need for the program.

But I realized today that Major helped me grow into the person I am today, and Mr. Parks has helped me realize just who that person is and has helped me fully attain it.

It was a huge realization.

I'm so going to be crying on Wednesday when I bring by the cheesecakes to all of my teachers... I'm bringing one for Parks, Moncla, Tarrant, Cappy, and Major.

And I know I'm probably going to cry when I give Parks his, Tarrant hers, and Major his.

Not because I'm leaving high school, but because they've (especially the three of them) been such wonderful influences in my life.

Especially Major.

Especially Parks.

I honestly almost started crying during his speech on Wednesday in our last English class with him. I had tears in my eyes during the speech, and at that last "on that nappy hote...", I nearly started to cry.

He honestly has been the greatest teacher I have ever had. I have learned so much from his class and from him. And not only about English and writing.

I've learned life-lessons.

He helped me learn to accept myself. I'm not completely there yet, but he's helped me to get where I am.

He's helped me empower myself. More than he'll ever know.

I'll be sitting on that stage tomorrow, come 2pm, and I'll walk across it in my blue cap and gown, with all my medals and all my cords, and I'll cry tears of joy, not sadness.

I've been everybody else's girl, and now, that day has come and I'm my own.

I am no longer his doormat.

I am empowered. I am me, I am my own and no one else's.

And it feels good.

2003-05-22T10:00:00.000-05:00

Environmental Science

So, since we're doing nothing in Environmental Science, I asked my teacher if I could use his other computer (there are three in the room---his, the old one, and the cool TV one).

I'm on the old one.

"Old" is kind. It's a relic.

Its OS is Win95.

Yeah, that's right. Windows 95. Remember what I said? Relic.

So, I've learned that my site looks absolutley terrible in Win95 (on both Netscape and IE), at 640x480 screen resolution.

To be blunt, it looks like complete and utter crap.

And I'm bored.

And it won't publish right, either.

2003-05-21T08:30:00.000-05:00

Photoblog

It's up: Life through photos.

2003-05-20T21:27:00.000-05:00

So, maybe I don't want to go to sleep yet...

Since I can't seem to keep a photo album updated on a webpage, how does a photo-blog sound?

Votes, anyone?

2003-05-20T21:19:00.000-05:00

Another photo...

So, Cheryl caught me in the hall this morning and told me she had a cute picture for me from prom...

Cheryl, me, and Paula. As snapped by the roving photographer. (I never could get onto that website... I know I was in a couple of them because that lady kept coming over to our table to take our pictures, again and again and again.)

I took the liberty of cropping out the print on the bottom half of the photo. You know, the name of the prom and all that. It was funny, though. You couldn't read it because it was the same color of red as my gown. {grin}

Okay, I really am going to sleep now. Not like we're doing anything in school tomorrow...

2003-05-20T15:14:00.000-05:00

Update Mode:

The following snippet has been retired from the left side:

"This is my life
Like someone else's diary
Edited out
Factual and dry
Sterilized for public view
Nothing new..."
-- Color Theory, "And You Thought I Was Joking"

Another one has replaced it.

2003-05-20T14:56:00.000-05:00

Boo, hiss, calculus test.

It wasn't that bad. Kind of.

I'll be exempt no matter what, so I don't particularly care.

Senior Awards Night was last night. (And why they gave out junior awards, too, I'll never know, but congrats to Steven, anyway.)

Yeah, so Senior Awards Night.

Several announcements...

I found out that I've been awarded an American Legion Award, which is rather prestigious, so that was really cool. Eddie and I were the only two students who American Legion awarded from our school.

Very cool, that.

Okay, so I also got my honor cords (Summa Cum Laude, baby!), I got my accomplishments announced (more on my views of that in a moment), and I got to shine on stage for being nominated (again) for Top 15.

No, I didn't get it. Laura, Cheryl, Matt, and three other people who I can't remember at the moment did.

No, Eddie didn't get it either. But he got so many other awards that it doesn't matter a whole lot. (We had a running joke going between Paula, Melanie, Casey, Eric, and I that Eddie should have just stood on stage and announced all the awards, because that way he'd already be on stage for the 75% of them that he won.)

Anyway.

As I was saying.

Announcing accomplishments. Personally, I think they shouldn't. Do you know how long we sat in that auditorium? Do you know how long we sat in that auditorium without air-conditioning?

(Our school is run by idiots, but that's another story entirely.)

We finally managed to get out of the auditorium and into the commons (in one huge mad rush) at 10:15. I got there at 6:30. It started at 7:00.

{glare}

Personally, I don't care what awards someone got their freshman/sophomore/kindergarten year. What I think the counselors should have done was get small groups of alphabetical students on stage (which they did), and announce only "Name, College, Major," not "Name, Misc. Scholarships, Colleges, College Scholarships, Chosen College, Chosen College's Scholarship(s), Activities in School, Childhood Pet's Name, Major."

Okay, so maybe I exaggerate a bit.

They never announced any names of childhood pets.

But that's the only thing I added.

Really.

So, yeah. It was really hot in there by the end of the evening.

2003-05-18T12:08:00.000-05:00

Update Mode:

The following quote has been retired from the left side:

"Confidence: Just a thin chocolate veneer over a deeply neurotic filling."

Another one has replaced it.

2003-05-17T22:33:00.000-05:00

This and that.

So, I hooked up our new scanner (please don't ask), and the first photo I scanned in was of Ethan and me:

Isn't he so adorable? My quasi-nephew.

And the second photo?

My grandmother. She's probably twenty in this photo. It was taken over sixty-two years ago.

2003-05-16T16:12:00.000-05:00

Friday Five

1. What drinking water do you prefer -- tap, bottle, purifier, etc.?

Definitely not tap. Bottled is best, but I'm happy with our purifier...

2. What are your favorite flavor of chips?

Sour Cream & Onion.

3. Of all the things you can cook, what dish do you like the most?

Cheesecake.

Oh, you meant, like, a meal?

4. How do you have your eggs?

Scrambled dry, but not browned. As an omelette, I like them with cheese, onions, bacon, tomatoes, chives, and pretty much anything---hold the mushrooms, though. And I'm not a huge fan of lox, either. Yes, I know. Half of my family is Jewish, and I won't take lox on my bagels...

5. Who was the last person who cooked you a meal? How did it turn out?

Kevin. He made dinner on Mother's Day for us all, and it was good.

2003-05-16T15:30:00.000-05:00

Truancy. Kind of.

(Well, not really.)

So, I, um, skipped Daisy Day.

Not the entire day, mind you, but I skipped the Daisy Day part of it.

I'm such a rebel.

But not really.

See, Mrs. Williams was doing the dunk tank (it would have been great to be able to throw that ball and dunk her, but that's another story), and she was doing it during first lunch. But her class (my class) had second lunch, so she split us in half and sent us off to other teachers' rooms. The teacher that Janna and I got sent to let us out (by accident) too early. Meaning that if we'd stayed, we'd have gotten stuck in some sort of insane Daisy Day tardy sweep and gotten d-hall.

So, I dropped Janna off at her car behind the ninth grade center, and as I was leaving, I couldn't have been more glad that I'd gone out of my way to drop her off because the police were pulling over the people who were leaving the main campus parking lot.

Instead of going straight as I normally would have, I turned right to avoid the police, then turned onto Moonrock and turned around on Bay Area to go home.

Heh.

More about the rest of the day later.

2003-05-15T18:34:00.000-05:00

Procrastination (blame Melanie)

Take my quiz.

See how much you know about me. {smile}

Please?

2003-05-15T15:37:00.000-05:00

I just realized this template needs updating...

...since it still mentions the psychopath as being a current girlfriend.

But, yeah, calc homework.

2003-05-15T15:32:00.000-05:00

AP tests are over.

Three years, ending in two days with three tests, and now it's finally over.

I've taken the last AP test of my high school career.

And, yes, I've taken my fair share of AP tests.

Okay, so my AP test synopsis... English Lit: easy multiple choice, first essay great, second essay good, third essay sucked. Government: it wasn't that bad, and I felt very prepared for the essay portion. Environmental Science: well, the multiple choice portion was harder than the 2000 AP's, but the essay part was easy to BS. Economics: multiple choice, not that hard; essay, SO MUCH FUN!

I'm not being facetious, there. I actually had fun writing those essays, because I completely understood on every single question what I had to do to answer the question.

So, my guess: English Lit (4---because of that last essay, I doubt I made a 5), Government (3 or 4---because I guessed more than I should have), Environmental Science (4---because I'm not lucky enough to make a 5), and Economics (definitely a 3, and I might have a chance at a 4).

We'll see in mid-July, when I get the answers back.

Maybe I'll have Moveable Type up by then. {glare} It's giving me a 500 Server Error on the install file, which is seriously pissing me off.

But, on the other hand, I should be working on calculus homework because we have a test on Tuesday—what the logic behind that is, I'll never know. We already had the AP. Miller's classes are estimating the volume of doughnuts and Hershey's kisses. What are we doing? THE REST OF CHAPTER SEVEN!

{very big glare} And we have hand-in homework due tomorrow, that she assigned on Monday. During an AP test week. Due on DAISY DAY.

{another big glare} My only consolation is that I only go to that class three more times, and then I'm done. Done, you hear? As in, never again!

9 days until graduation—6 school days left.

And 15 days until I leave for Alaska.

Wow.

2003-05-13T17:35:00.000-05:00

Wish me luck.

My AP test schedule:

Wed. morning: Government (U.S.)
Wed. afternoon: Environmental Science

Thursday morning: Economics (Macro)

My brain is going to be complete and utter mush by the time Friday rolls around...

Oh, and I titled the story, too: "For Her"

2003-05-12T13:36:00.000-05:00

10:26a

So, I wrote a story during Government today. A vignette.

It's the last class period before the AP, so all we did was write an essay in the first twenty-five minutes (which I finished in fifteen) and nothing else.

So I wrote a vignette. I edited it in Environmental Science. (I made a 5 on that practice exam! Go me! I'm the only one in our class.) It cracks me up that I haven't studied for that class since the semester started, and I still made a 5 on the practice exam (the actual 2000 AP exam). I recopied it in Calculus. You can tell how seriously I take school now that there's only nine school days left.

It's a Law & Order story, by the way.

It started the same way as the "Chosen: Between The Scenes" story started, with an impression from the episode that tugged at the corners of my mind a while, until it became a question: How? In the case of "Chosen", it was how did Serena get this particular piece of knowledge?

Well, in this case, it was "why".

So, I wrote the answer. You don't have to know the characters at all---change one phrase, and it's just an anonymous person and maybe it's Ed, and maybe it's someone else.

{smile}

There are no spoilers for any episodes, either, so that makes it doubly save. The only reference is that it takes place right before (like, three days before) the episode "B*tch". (Don't laugh, that's how they spelled it at NBC's webpage.)

There's a certain dedication at the end of the story that felt appropriate, once I re-read through it.

I'm going to post it to my library of stories----yes, I have a library, now. I'll put up a link later, but there's a username and password (because I don't want it to be searchable), so I'll post those too.

Squee!

It's as of yet untitled, so if anyone wants to betaread and offer a suggestion? Much appreciated...

2003-05-10T08:51:00.000-05:00

Oh, bloody hell...

Moveable Type: 1
Alex: 0

More to come, I'm sure, and it'll probably look like:

Moveable Type: 1.8 x 10^5000000

Alex: 0

Does anyone know how to set up Moveable Type? Should I use MySQL? Or, should I use MT's Berkeley DB support, because it's the default? I'm so confused...

2003-05-09T18:46:00.000-05:00

Okay, so maybe it's a hoax.

But it's still an interesting read.

Off to pick up Melanie and go to pop show.

Don't worry; mentally, I'm in a better place than I was yesterday. Depression comes and goes. It's nasty like that.

2003-05-09T08:13:00.000-05:00

Mood-swings and shopping. (Or, how I learned to love the credit card.)

I'm not the type that when I get depressed, my first impulse to make myself feel better is to go out and buy something.

Until last night.

I'll explain somewhat.

(Slight TMI warning for some of the people out there.)

PMS exists. It's not just the feeling of being stabbed in the lower abdomen with a knife for the five actual days you suffer; it's the feeling of being stabbed with a knife in the lower abdomen for the five days before the actual stabbing-ness begins.

It's nausea. It's feeling uncomfortable temperature-wise. It's breaking out. It's gaining weight because you retain water. It's mood-swings.

For me, it's all of those plus major mood-swings. Ones that last for over a week.

Normally, my emotions are on a pretty even keel. (These times excepting, of course.)

These mood-swings will have me on top of the world one minute, and fifteen minutes later, I'm in tears because I'm not going to be able to get into the graduate school I want.

I'm not kidding. Not in the least. (And I was driving while fighting tears about that last bit last night coming home with Mom from dinner.)

That depression lasted from 8pm until this morning, and I'm still a bit quick to temper.

(And I'm so glad that we didn't see Tom at the table this morning, because I swear if he was anywhere in the position that he might even have the slightest view down my blouse, I was going to personally ensure that he would never be able to have children. That guy creeps me out. And if he ever touches my shoulder again, I'm going to slap him.)

Moving on slightly.

As I was saying, I'm not the type that will buy something to make myself feel better. I'm not a compulsive shopper.

Last night, I got out the credit card and my gift certificates (Wherehouse Music, Barnes & Noble, and Borders), and I wanted to buy something.

More specifically, I wanted to buy a DVD copy of The Thirteenth Floor.

(And then I also wanted to buy an Eddi Reader CD that I found for pretty cheap.)

Wherehouse Music pissed me off because they said I couldn't use my gift certificates online.

Barnes & Noble pissed me off because their site wouldn't load.

Borders/Amazon.com pissed me off because they wouldn't let me use my gift cards---because I was buying "from third-party sellers", meaning the DVD ($7.99) and the CD ($4.99) were used.

Like I care.

I have the gift card, I should be able to use it, right?

Wrong.

So, I'm about to check out with my shopping cart, and I'm in tears because my plans are all shot to hell.

Luckily Mom comes in the room, and she's all like, "Alex, just buy it. Use your gift certificates another time."

So, I did.

And my stuff should shipped by 12 May.

And that will be nice.

Before I went to bed last night, I made a list of things that I want to do that will make me feel better---about myself, and about the world at large.

I want to get my hair cut. (The heat's affecting me more strongly this year, and having hair that's a tad past my shoulders in Houston in the summer is NOT going to happen this year.)

I want to get a pedicure before the cruise.

I want to lose weight. (This goal hasn't changed. My binge-eating hasn't changed. Something has to change.)

I want to call Nadine (now that I have her phone number). I want to call Mr. Mize. I want to reconnect with my past before I go off into my future.

I hate how these emotions completely rule my life right now. I hate how that I can't control how I feel, how I don't even realize that the reason I'm feeling so terribly is because of a hormone imbalance---I'm just feeling.

I have overwhelming urges to tell people to shut up. I have overwhelming urges to slam doors, to pound this keyboard, to scream, to cry, to run out and get a hysterectomy because goddamnit, it hurts so badly and the ibuprofen hasn't kicked in and it's been over an hour.

But at least I have something to look forward to.

By the time I graduate, there will be two packages at my doorstep. An Eddi Reader CD and a Thirteenth Floor DVD. (Vincent D'Onofrio is such a good actor.)

It's almost the weekend.

10 school days left.

15 days until graduation.

21 days until Alaska. (Only three weeks!)

I can make it, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

I will make it.

My domain is up; there's an index page, and I'm transferring all the files I have over there. I have three AP tests next week to study for, and all I want to do is play with my new toy.

(And SmartFTP kept freezing up on me yesterday, even while I was talking with Steven online. So that pissed me off, too. And I was in a Happy! phase at that point...)

This too shall pass.

Only four more hours until I get to go home.

2003-05-09T07:43:00.000-05:00

Friday Fiver

1. Would you consider yourself an organized person? Why or why not?

I tend towards the obsessive-compulsive, but I like organized clutter. You tell me.

2. Do you keep some type of planner, organizer, calendar, etc. with you, and do you use it regularly?

I used to. School (and block scheduling) overwhelmed me. I plan to in college.

3. Would you say that your desk is organized right now?

Meaning the office? Heh. It's in a state of "organized clutter", but at least I know where everything is.

4. Do you alphabetize CDs, books, and DVDs, or does it not matter?

I try to alphabetize my CDs when I keep them all in their jewel cases. Right now, they're divided between two soft cases, one in my car, one in my room. I don't have enough DVDs to organize (I need a shelf for them so that I can organize them...), and my books aren't in a central location to be organized.

5. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to organize?

I'll answer the question: What's the hardest thing you've ever had to keep organized?

My closet. I whiz though and clean it. It messes up. Midnight one night when I can't sleep, I'll go through and tear it apart and organize by sleeve-length and blouse material... Then it'll mess up again, and the cycle begins anew.

2003-05-08T13:31:00.000-05:00

Domain Name

wintervegetable.com, Version 1.0

Premiering today.

This is so cool.

2003-05-07T21:03:00.000-05:00

Countdown

School-days: 12
Days until Graduation: 17
Days until ALASKA: 23

2003-05-07T19:24:00.000-05:00

Um, so, hi

Updates on life in general will come later.

Most of them center about just how much I hate this heat, and how badly it's affecting me this year, and how much I'm enjoying my car's air conditioning (which I never used to have to use, even in the middle of summer), but I'll philosophize about that later...

I actually updated my favorite phantoms a minute ago. If you took the English Lang AP test last year, this might appear someone eerily familiar.

There's a reason for that. I loved the passage so much, I had to find it.

It's been bookmarked in my favorite places for a year.

And, now I'm off again...

2003-05-05T15:39:00.000-05:00

What a wonderful way to start the day...

If you happened to be watching the local news at about eight this morning, you'd have noticed coverage of a mass exodus from my high school.

Yes, there was another gas leak.

But, they didn't tell us it was a gas leak. They told us it was a "serious situation". That, of course, is not to say that a gas leak isn't serious, but considering the air conditioning was out (it's HOUSTON, in SUMMER, get the goddamn a/c working. GRR.), so we thought it may have been a freon leak.

So, my morning went a little like this:

5:30 - wake up

6:30 - get to school, die from the heat inside, take Parks' extra credit A Man For All Seasons quiz

7:05 - go out to the commons after staying in Parks' relatively cool room for as long as I could dally

7:15 - mass exodus from the school, with teachers practically shoving us from our seats in the commons towards the doors by the English hallways

7:16 - outside, but it's cooler outside than in

7:30 - still outside; they push us as close to Bay Area Blvd as possible without someone falling off the curb

7:45 - still outside

7:50 - still outside; thoseof us taking the English Lit exam are getting a bit nervous because we're supposed to be at the testing site by now

8:00 - still outside; Rachel and I meet up with a couple of other people taking the exam, and we migrate towards the bus circle, telling the teachers that yell at us that we're AP testers

8:15 - a fire engine arrives, making sure to take a nice LONG pause at the stop sign

8:30 - two more fire engines and a hovering news helicopter

9:00 - at the last possible moment, they approve a bus to take the testers to our testing site (which was already going to be off-campus), and we manage to get into the testing room by 9, otherwise we would have all had to take late tests

12:45 - finish with test, home by 1:15 after having to travel back to school by bus (why I couldn't just drive myself, I'll never know...)

Wonderful morning, hmm?

About the AP: I found the multiple choice questions to be a piece of cake. The essay topics? My essay for the first one was kick-ass, my second one was good, my third one---well, it sorta sucked.

Oh, well. UT gives AP credit for just about anything---I'm not worried. I predict a 4, at worst.

Research paper final drafts are due on Wednesday; my next AP tests (2--Government and Environmental Science) are on next Wednesday, and my last AP test (Macro-Econ) is on next Thursday.

14 more school days. 19 days until graduation. 25 days until Alaska.

Those are the numbers that keep me going.

2003-05-04T15:58:00.000-05:00

Oh, I guess I forgot...

...to mention my dinner with Dad on Thursday...

Heh.

We had a conversation. (Well, of course, we did, but we also had a conversation.)

We were in that restaurant for three hours. Two hours of that, estimated, was the conversation.

It centered around college stuff, and expanding his view of just what "college stuff" means.

That's the boring part. The good part, and there are two good parts, is, first, that I was able to hold my own in a face-to-face conversation, and not only in a phone call.

The second (and maliciously wonderful) good part is that---well, how best should I put this? Ding, dong, the psycho's gone.

"For the last time." Now, where have we heard that phrasing before? Yeah, so I'm skeptical, and I told him as much, but he's swearing up and down that she's gone for good this time, and I laughed, said, "We'll see."

Hopefully this will be the last time.

But, yeah.

We talked today, and I'm getting my television for college... At least, that's what he's saying. I'm going to make sure he takes me shopping for a nice, small television with an attached VCR...

And, in other news... I feel very honored to be listed in Laurie's list of who she's reading. {big smile}

Okay, back to AP test mania (English Lit. is TOMORROW!) and A Man For All Seasons...

2003-05-03T20:02:00.000-05:00

According to Dante, I'm so going to hell.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis! [Because I'm a heretic.]

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level | Score
Purgatory | Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo | High
Level 2 | Moderate
Level 3 | Moderate
Level 4 | Moderate
Level 5 | High
Level 6 - The City of Dis | Very High
Level 7 | Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge | Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus | Moderate

Level descriptions
Take the test

2003-05-03T10:24:00.000-05:00

Looking forward to...

Yesterday's heat (and humidity) was oppressive. It's only going to get worse, I know. Welcome to summer in Houston.

Paula and I rented The Thirteenth Floor and 'Til There Was You yesterday----and what a coincidence, both movies had an actor in common, the actor that Paula's been drooling over lately. {grin}

I love both movies (Paula had only seen 'Til There Was You, which is SUCH an adorable movie), and it was neat seeing Vincent D'Onofrio (who's quickly becoming one of my favorite actors) in another borderline-psychotic role (in The Thirteenth Floor).

I can't wait until school ends.

My countdown:

15 school days
21 days until graduation
27 days until... ALASKA!!!!

Now, isn't that something to look forward to?

2003-05-03T09:57:00.000-05:00

Personality Art Test

Introspective
Sensitive
Reflective

You come to grips more frequently and thoroughly with yourself and your environment than do most people. You detest superficiality; you'd rather be alone than have to suffer through small talk. But your relationships with your friends are very strong, which gives you the inner tranquility and harmony that you require. You do not mind being alone for extended periods of time; you rarely become bored.

( link )

2003-04-30T20:58:00.000-05:00

A random collection of observances.

We had a concert in English yesterday. We vetoed discussing D.H. Lawrence's "Horse-Dealer's Daughter", and Neal played the guitar and sang for us. It was very cool.

The calc test went well today. That doesn't mean I enjoyed it, nor does it mean I necessarily passed. But at least the non-calculator part wasn't too bad. The calculator part---well, that just plain sucked. (I'm so glad the free response is take-home. Now, I've got to find me a friend with an 83+ so that I don't have to do integration in my head...)

I've started to rework the scenes in the "Chosen (Between The Scenes)" story I'm doing... It started with me writing it and getting on a roll, and I got really far, and then I realized that the last few scenes I wrote were really, um, actually, they were fantastically----boring.

They're not boring anymore. I'm learning that less is more, in some cases.

Plus, now it lets me highlight the one anecdote that I need to bring up---the one that I HAVE to work in, because this anecdote answers the question that I set out to address when I started writing my fic.

And, no, I don't turn into some sort of rabid fangirl. It's not a Mary Sue fic, and my avatars (you could argue that there are two of them) serve a distinct purpose---but they're not the plot.

It's become fun again.

2003-04-28T16:37:00.000-05:00

A flash of psychic inspiration.

Yes, I've had a psychic experience today.

A vision, actually.

And this vision told me that I'm going to have food poisoning tomorrow morning, and relapse Wednesday morning.

Just like Paula.

We're going to eat at the same restaurant both times.

{big grin}

(I hope you realize the whole tongue-in-cheek nature of this comment.)

And since I'll be "sick", missing the "senior activity" won't count against my exemptions, because it's homeroom.

Yeah.

So, I'm sleeping in tomorrow. And Wednesday. And Thursday. And Friday.

Well, maybe one morning I'll go to Starbucks with Paula and Melanie.

And maybe one afternoon I'll watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding with Ellie (another person who hasn't seen it!)

But, yeah. 19 more school days! (And that's counting the four non-full days this week and the three days I miss because of AP tests.)

2003-04-27T12:25:00.000-05:00

Twenty more school days.

Only twenty. I keep repeating that to myself. Trying to make it real.

It's a slow process.

This coming week is going to be crazy. Monday's a normal day (with AP test prep afterschool).

Tuesday and Wednesday are semi-normal, but instead of late-arrival-missing-first-two-classes, it's senior-activity-starts-at-7:30-and-we-don't-get-to-sleep-in.

Thursday and Friday, we get to sleep in, but they've completely screwed up the two classes that we go to, and I don't get to leave at 1:00. I have to stay until 2:30. {glare}

And then the next two weeks are AP tests. Yay! (I'm taking four: Gov't, Econ (macro), Env. Sci., and English Lit.)

The Texas Scholars ceremony is tomorrow. It'll be nice, missing most of Environmental Science to go sit in the auditorium and be awarded a medadllion that I get to wear at graduation.

Maybe we'll miss some of Calculus, too.

Hmm... It starts at 9:30, calc starts at 10:47. Maybe. Hopefully.

I'm getting so sick of AP test prep for Calculus. I'm not even taking the AP exam. Can't we just... do nothing?

Oh, well.

Only twenty more school days left.

2003-04-25T18:44:00.000-05:00

Friday Fiver

1. What was the last TV show you watched?

I watched the last fifteen minutes of ER last night, because I was too wired after the volunteer appreciation banquet to go right to bed.

2. What was the last thing you complained about?

Probably my Calculus teacher---oh, wait, I remember now. I was complaining about how stupid the idiots that run our school district are for completely messing up our schedule next week. Stupid "senior activities"... I'd much rather come into school at 10:40 than have to sit there in my homeroom class from 7:30 until 10:40 watching a movie. Or doing god knows what else.

3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say?

I complimented Tosha---well, actually I complimented her baby, but the baby (adorable baby, by the way, almost a month old) was asleep...

4. What was the last thing you threw away?

The remains of a couple of strawberries.

5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited?

Download.com to download SmartFTP.

2003-04-25T17:07:00.000-05:00

Semi-Normal

So, the site went through a wacky phase again, but I've uploaded the cascading style sheets to another server than phuzzymath, and we're semi-normal again.

Domain name updates:

* Domain name has been purchased.

* Hosting has been secured and is on its way to being up and running.

Expect to see a link here in the coming weeks to the new site.

moonlight through the pines, v.2.0, coming soon

current music: Eddi Reader -- "Wonderboy"

2003-04-21T16:40:00.000-05:00

Quick Post

Yay, so the site is normal again...

...and now it's going to be moved (pretty soon).

That's right, things are going to be changing in Alex-land, and I'm not only talking about being in Austin in the fall.

I got Dad to give me a check for the domain name, which makes this all better because this way he can't hold the domain name over my head for any reason.

So, I have the means, and all I need is the opportunity. Which means that all I need is the time to set it up and get MT (moveable type) working...

Which probably means that the blog is going to stay here until after my last AP test (because things will be crazy until then).

So, the itinerary for the blog movement will be that nothing will change, address-wise, until after May 15th (the day of my last two AP exams).

Okay, jetting off to an English group meeting...

Oh, and yes, I had a nice weekend. I'll write more about this Wednesday in Compsci, when I actually will have the time to blog.

2003-04-20T00:02:00.000-05:00

Birthday (Friday) Five

1. Who is your favorite celebrity?

I don't think I have a favorite celebrity at the moment... In any case, I'd say that goes in cycles.

2. Who is your least favorite?

I don't think I have a least favorite either, but who knows? It's nearly midnight, so maybe when I'm thinking a little more clearly I'll remember someone that I absolutely can't stand.

3. Have you ever met or seen any celebrities in real life?

Yes. {laughs} The first thing that popped into my mind at that question was my trip to see The Scarlet Pimpernel in Tampa, so that would be Ron Bohmer, William Paul Michals, and all the other people I got autographs from (but forgot that my camera was in my purse!).

4. Would you want to be famous? Why or why not?

No, I have no desire to be famous. At least, not the type of famous that would have me recognized every time I go outdoors. I just want a quiet sort of life. I don't want to be the best in whatever field I end up in (which is good, because I know I can't beat out all the Eddies of the world, not that I would really want to); I just want to make enough so that I can live comfortably, and I want to do what I love and love what I do. All I want is happiness. A quiet sort of life.

5. If you had to trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why?

Ack, I don't know. Check back later, and I might just have an answer...

2003-04-18T10:20:00.000-05:00

Bagel Dance

This is SO adorable!

Okay, off to the DPS because they close at noon.

Happy birthday to me!

2003-04-17T22:58:00.000-05:00

Feeling vaguely guilty for all the leavened bread I've eaten...

I found hidden treasure today.

I found a Blue Nile CD at Barnes & Noble.

{big smile}

I feel vaguely guilty for the flour tortillas I ate (we went to Lupe Tortilla's---my choice, not his), and for the bread on the BLT I had for lunch...

Vaguely. Not a whole lot, but still vaguely.

Anyway.

So, I'm sitting here, listening to Paul Buchanan sing on my treasured new Blue Nile CD, reflecting on today, feeling vaguely guilty for the leavened bread products I've eaten today, and smelling the cake (red velvet) that Mom's baking for tomorrow.

(There's no way that I'm going to feel guilty for eating my birthday cake.)

And it looks like the domain name thing might just be happening after all. Except that he's not going to pay for it with his credit card---he's going to write me a check for it, and I'm going to deal with the details.

My insistence.

I'll be happy to get it up and running... At long last.

{smile}

I'm going to be eighteen years old tomorrow.

2003-04-12T13:24:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I hate him so much that it hurts my heart to bear it.

Still sans domain name... Don't get me started. Please. I've been a fool, and it's finally hit me just how much of a fool I've been.

I came to a couple of realizations last night.

I wrote a lot of words in anger and frustration last night, and I'm not going to denounce them now that I'm more level-headed, because they're still the truth.

Sometimes, I hate him so much that it hurts my heart to bear it.

I made a resolution to myself last night.

I will no longer allow myself to be strung along to manipulated or emotionally abused.

Because I'm better than that. I'm worth more than that.

I will no longer allow myself to act as though I'm a battered spouse (or, in this case, daughter).

I am my own woman, and I will not allow anyone to treat me otherwise.

Much less myself.

I deserve better than that.

I am a better person, a stronger person, because of him and what he's done to me, but that doesn't mean that I'm about to thank him for it.

At least I know that I'll never be in an abusive relationship because as soon as any guy I date begins to bear any resemblance to him, he's gone and I'm running as fast as I can.

And, of course, if anyone ever lays a hand on me, there are several people who would take a great exception to that, and that person would probably be eating through a tube for the rest of his life, if he's unlucky enough to have a life afterwards.

But I'm getting off on a tangent, here.

My point is that I'm tired, I'm tired of playing these games, I'm tired of dancing toe-to-toe, I'm tired of dancing backwards and following his lead. I'm tired of being strung along.

And, for good or for ill, I'm going to stop. I don't really care where it takes me, but I know that I'm at a crossroads, and I can no longer let this tear me in pieces.

I can no longer let him control me, because he still is, even though I try my hardest to control it, to control the situation, to control him, all I'm really doing is fitting myself into another mold where he's concerned, just like I've been doing my entire life.

And it must stop.

Because I'm tired.

Because I want my heart to stop hurting.

Because I want to respect myself when it's all said and done.

2003-04-09T21:29:00.000-05:00

Happiness is...

silvergirlsail (9:05:05 PM): squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
silvergirlsail (9:05:07 PM): guess what?
silvergirlsail (9:05:23 PM): dad's gonna give me his credit card info for me to get a domain name TOMORROW AFTERNOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
silvergirlsail (9:06:13 PM): (I think my sickly, "not to belabor the point, but i'm really excited about this, so when am i going to get the info to do this?" and "i'm so excited! i'm pathetically sick, but i'm so happy now!" manipulated him...)
silvergirlsail (9:06:15 PM): {grin}
silvergirlsail (9:07:29 PM): SQUEEE!!!!!!!!!
silvergirlsail (9:07:33 PM): {giggle}
silvergirlsail (9:07:35 PM): Score!

...a new domain name.

2003-04-09T21:22:00.000-05:00

Sometime during APES... (from Monday)

So, prom was boring until we all got on the dance floor---then when we went back to the table, it was boring again. All in all, I had fun, but I know I would have had more fun if I'd gone with someone. I mean, Paula and I drove together, but we both agreed it would have been more fun with dates.

Ah, well. Hindsight is 20-20.

I'm very glad, though, that I didn't go to Alicia's after-prom party because I'm sick enough as it is---I know I'd barely be functional. (and, now, two days later, I am barely functional)

Okay, so what else did I promise to write about?

The trip to Austin---we didn't get lost, I promise. (It was all Mom's fault.)

She insisted on turning the wrong way on 183. I told her not to, but does anyone ever listen to the navigator? No...

On the way hopme, we took a side trip through Boernie (a town a bit west of San Antonio) to visit some friends of Mom's, and I drove all the way home (4 hours) from Boernie to Clear Lake. Nonstop.

Cruise Control (at 75 mph) is my friend.

{grin}

Talk about unlocking the inner speed demon. And I was one of the slower cars on the road. Mom was complaining that we'd never make home in time for Law & Order.

Colleges----Harvard said no, Brown said maybe.

UT may not be my first choice, but in the end, in the long run, it will make me the happiest.

(So, two days later, I've sent in my deposit and told them 'yes'.)

Because I'd be in debt (at the worst) after undergrad maybe $2000 or $3000, versus $80,000 to $100,000 (or maybe more). There isn't much question there.

I'll be in Austin in the fall.

And I'm HAPPY.

Kiss Me Kate----WAS SO FABULOUS!

So much fun. Great vocal talent, great staging, great costuming, fun songs, and the Hobby Center is such a beautiful theatre venue.

My birthday's not too far off, now...

2003-04-09T21:14:00.000-05:00

All I have to do is make it through tomorrow. (From Yesterday)

Because if I'm sick like this on Thursday, I'm skipping. Really.

Anyway, I had a post all written up yesterday, but I forgot my journal notebook at home this morning, so I couldn't post it during compsci.

It is such a beautiful day outside.

Please forgive the rapid succession of topic changes. It's the result of my fever-addled brain, and all of this couching is both irritating my throat (even more) and making me short of breath. And don't even get me started on the sneezing.

It really is beautiful out. I wish I could be outside and perfectly healthy as opposed to afflicted and studying for government.

I'll post eventually.

Really.

2003-04-09T14:34:00.000-05:00

Sick.

Written several posts. Will post them later.

Nap time, now.

2003-04-06T17:15:00.000-05:00

Honestly? I wish I'd asked you.

Prom was fun. Boring at first, but once we started dancing, it was better. Most of the fun was seeing everyone all dressed up. The last big senior gathering before graduation.

Another "you know who you are" message: see the title.

I'll post more later. I'm tired, I'm getting sick, and I got a phone call from my research group a couple of minutes ago, saying come over now. {glare}

I promise, I'll post everything I promised later.

current mood: wishful
current music: Color Theory - "Eiffel Tower (re-arrange mix)"

2003-04-05T17:35:00.000-06:00

Prom

My hair is done, my nails are done, toenails are painted. (It's hard to type with these nails...) Make-up is done, jewelry is on.

All that's left is the dress and the shoes.

I'm going to prom.

2003-04-04T08:52:00.000-06:00

Name Meme

Gacked from Min, who gacked it from... Well, that doesn't really matter.

1. What does your first name mean?

Helper and defender.

2. What does your middle name mean?

Of the sea.

3. What does your last name mean?

Luck.

New4. Do you have a nickname?

Alex, Allie-Cat, Allie, Al... Take your pick.

5. What would you have been named if you were the opposite gender?

Aaron.

6. Any other name oddities?

I was named for my great-grandfather, Abraham. My paternal grandmother's father.

2003-04-04T07:57:00.000-06:00

Friday Fiver

Okay, there's a lot I want to post about, but I'm not going to post it now. Prom's tomorrow, I'm in compsci, and I just can't be bothered with posting a huge long post. But when I do post, I'll post about my trip to Austin, about prom, about college stuff...

Speaking of college stuff, I'm still waiting for Brown. But, anyway.

Onto the Friday Five:

1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life? Three (and a half). There's the condo that my parents and I lived in when they were married. When they got divorced, Dad moved out and into another condo (the one-half). When I was six (that next year), Mom and I moved out of the condo and across town to our house in Copperfield. At that point, Dad moved back into that condo. Before ninth grade, Mom and I moved from Copperfield to down here, and that's the end of the story.

2. Which was your favorite and why? Probably the house at Copperfield, because I grew up there. But also this one we're in now... It's just that it's an older house, and I miss the "new" bits of the Copperfield house. Like, the plumbing.

3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why? Both. I don't remember much of moving to Copperfield, but moving here to Clear Lake was both exciting and stressful. But it was okay, because I was ready to move on, ready to start something new. Kind of like now. Except a tiny bit different.

4. What's more important, location or price? Both?

5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)? {shrug} I'd love a jacuzzi tub, and I wouldn't want a huge yard. I don't know; I haven't given much thought to that...

2003-03-31T21:50:00.000-06:00

A Dedication:

Eurythmics -- "Anything But Strong"

You know who you are.

"How my heart aches..."

2003-03-31T17:17:00.000-06:00

A successful beginning to a busy week...

So, I heard back from Stanford.

They had over 19,000 applicants and accepted a little under 2400 of them.

I wasn't one of the 2400.

Everyone's asking if I'm okay, like they expect me to be totally and completely broken by this.

They don't understand that Stanford was always the ideal, that I half-expected this.

It doesn't even hurt, and, no, that's not any sort of numbness speaking.

Emory was crushing.

This, as I said in the message I left on Maggie's cell phone (letting her know in advance that she'd be getting a letter in her mailbox from Stanford), is barely a flash in the pan.

I'll hear from Harvard tomorrow. Well, maybe tonight, if I stay up late to check online when they post it.

Dad called today; I picked up the phone.

I'll explain it all later, when I have the time. Mom and I had a great big conversation (for a couple of hours) about everything (college stuff, financial aid, dad)...

And I decided that it's not worth completely cutting him out of my life just yet. Especially not when I don't know if he can freeze my college accounts or not.

Especially not when I've convinced him to get me a domain name for my birthday.

{big smile}

You could say it was a rather successful phone call.

(on phone)
Dad: "So, what's it going to be? www.mathcat.com?"
Alex: "I haven't decided, but I'll just need your credit card for that. I can fill out the forms myself..."

Now I just have to explain to him that, no, just because you're paying for it doesn't mean that you get to view it.

Yeah, like that's going to go over real well...

I'll cross that bridge when it comes.

{happy giggling}

I'm going to have a domain name! Squee!

2003-03-27T15:09:00.000-06:00

Three-Day Weekend

I won't be back 'til Saturday night...

Austin, here we come.

2003-03-27T08:02:00.000-06:00

Moveable Type

I want Moveable Type, now.

{sigh}

Maybe when I get my own domain name.

Anyone want to contribute to the "Get Alex A Domain Name" fund? Maybe I should set up an account on PayPal and start begging...

{grin}

No, seriously.

2003-03-27T07:39:00.000-06:00

So much for comfortable shoes...

Because I have two blisters already. One on each foot.

{glare}

And these sandals were so cute, too.

Anyway, today's going to be SO much fun! It's an Early Release Day, so I get out of school at 10:30.

Then I'm going to frantically pack for an hour, and then I'm going to get to go see Paula's baby cousin, who she assures me is the cutest baby in the world. Personally, I don't know if any other baby can be cuter than Ethan (until my own, of course).

{grin}

That reminds me, I still need to scan in the picture of me and Ethan.

Well, it won't happen this weekend.

Did you notice up there where I mentioned packing? We (Mom and I) are leaving at 3:00 today for Austin. I'm missing school tomorrow (Official School Business non-exemption-affecting absense) for a college visit----we're going to go see the Plan II offices.

It's going to be fun!

Obligatory shout-out #1: Go Maggie!!! {cheering} (She got into Carnegie Mellon.)

Obligatory shout-out #2: Feel better, Maggie, and I hope that what was wrong isn't serious...

2003-03-25T08:15:00.000-06:00

Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I don't recognize who I see.

It's true. Sometimes, I'll glance in a mirror---or a mirrored surface---and I find myself surprised.

You see, I live in my mind. Primarily, that is. My existence is that of a primarily cerebral one; for recreation, I read, I write, or I daydream about what I'll be writing.

I dream about it, about my characters, about what I've read, about my stories. (I also dream about integrals, but that's an entirely different story.)

I tried on my gown for prom last night.

When I looked in the mirror, I hardly recognized myself.

A part of me felt like an ugly duckling in swan's clothes. I felt pretty, though.

I have the shoes already to go with the gown (which makes life a whole lot easier), and I have the perfect necklace, too.

Alex's Prom Shopping List: earrings, hair clip.

I crossed "date" off from that list.

I don't want to deal with asking him, don't want him to get the wrong idea, don't want to have to worry about which group to go with, etc.

I'm going to go single, with a group of friends (of which, only Melanie has a date, and Tony isn't exactly her date), and I'm going to have a great time.

(Still taking votes on the "hospital" answering machine message...)

2003-03-22T20:00:00.000-06:00

Wireless optical mice are cool.

Yeah, what the title says. I finally got around to installing one on my laptop. Cool stuff.

I'm going to add two existing stories into the Nesting universe---as backstory, for now. Maybe I can weave them into the ongoing story. The only problem is POV---they're told from third-person, non-omniscient point of view: Marin's.

Anyway.

I need titles for them, too.

Anyone who wants to read them and offer a suggestion for a title (once I do a revision) will be loved forever and will receive much kudos.

Yeah.

So, if you want to, e-mail me. Thanks.

I'm going to go watch Criminal Intent now.

2003-03-22T17:45:00.000-06:00

So, guess who left a message on my answering machine today?

And, no, the answer isn't Elvis.

And, no, it wasn't the guy who I still might ask to prom.

"Hi, Al, just Dad. Thinking about you, wanted to say hi. Hope you're doing okay. Bye. Talk to you later."

Kevin says to call him back, leave a message, and say, "Hi, Dad, just Al. Thought about you. The answer's no." {click}

Mom says to call and leave a message in a feeble voice and say, "Hiiiiii, I don't know what the number is here... I'm in room 301A, and the nurse is holding the phone to my ear because both of my arms and one of my legs are still in traction, and I can't move my neck..." {sharply, to the nurse} "Hey, what are you doing? AAAAaaaaaaaAAAAAAHHHH!----" {click}

It's debatable. I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

I might just do it.

I certainly want to.

current music: James Taylor -- "On The 4th Of July"
current mood: crafty

2003-03-21T21:09:00.000-06:00

Report Card

I never mentioned that I got my report card on Thursday, did I?

It made my Thursday quite special.

The only surprises were pleasant surprises. (Other than the fact that Buckley still needs to get that thing from the first nine-weeks changed...)

And she's getting it fixed, so it's all good.

Superintendent Scholar's Luncheon, here I come.

current music playing: Tori Amos -- "When I Was Dreaming"

2003-03-21T08:42:00.000-06:00

Spinning, laughing, dancing to my favorite song...

...A little girl with nothing wrong, and I'm all alone.

I am. But I'm not.

There's a war going on, and my father isn't speaking to me. He probably thinks it's a quid pro quo situation: she's not calling me, so I'm not going to call her.

I can honestly and truthfully say that it doesn't bother me. It really doesn't.

As I said before: I haven't shed a tear since I learned to laugh.

I've reconciled this. He won't be at my wedding. He won't be at my graduations. He won't be at the Superintendent Scholar's Luncheon (to which I'm invited again!).

And I'm okay with that.

There's a war being waged, but life goes on. We still had our oral quiz in Government yesterday, we still made our biosphere in Environmental Science, we still did work (well, kinda) in Calculus. Candide is still due today in English.

Melanie still wants to know the name of the guy I'm planning on asking to prom.

Yes, I might ask someone to prom. Maybe just as friends, maybe as more. I don't know. We'll see.

Melanie, if you're reading this: yes, he goes to our school. But you already knew that one. Yes, he's in our grade. How's that? And now I'm not going to say any more on the subject.

current mood: happy
current music: on the way to school, "Seven Years" by Norah Jones

"Crooked little smile on her face
Tells a tale of grace
That's all her own..."

2003-03-19T20:49:00.000-06:00

What more is there to say?

It's begun.

2003-03-18T15:32:00.000-06:00

Getting back into the swing of things.

We celebrated Pi Day today in Calculus.

I'm sure there will be much furrowing of brows at that statement. Pi Day was actually last week, over spring break, as March 14th generally is.

So we celebrated it today.

It was nice doing absolutely nothing in Calculus. Really nice. Our group cheated at our Trivial Pi-suit game (yes, we really did have to make the board and the questions and everything), but somehow I managed to come out in the lead.

Each group had to make a pie (or bring, as we were the only ones who brought a homemade one) in a different color.

We got green.

So, we made a key-lime pie.

It was SO good. I have to get the recipe from Krista, now.

Shout-out to Ellie: Congrats about the UT Business program!!!

Yeah, so it's Tuesday, and I'm taking bets on when I'm going to hear from my father again. I didn't go to Cirque. And I left a message telling him I wasn't going on his cell phone Friday night at about nine PM. So he probably didn't get it until Saturday.

Needless to say, his number hasn't been showing up on the caller-ID at all.

Maybe I should change that "when" to an "if".

He's done this to himself; I have no remorse.

Anyway.

I wrote a story this past weekend. Like, a whole one. All of it. It's about seven pages long. Original characters. Inspired by a song, but it's most definitely NOT a songfic. It was more inspired by the mood of the song, using the lyrics as a loose guide, and I took it from there.

Revised it on Saturday. Revised it again yesterday. I still have to type up those last revisions---maybe tomorrow in during lab aide time because I don't think they'll be in the lab. (They finished with structs before the break, and now they're moving onto classes.)

Anyway.

I actually got some sleep last night, which is a definite good thing. I was worried that the insomnia-thing I had near the end of last year was coming back. Yeek, that was terrible. And then the two nights I actually managed to get some sleep were the two that I cried myself to sleep.

I haven't shed a single tear since I learned to laugh.

Time to read more of Candide now.

Ack, I've got to remember to tell Cappy that I can't do UIL... I'll be in Austin that weekend, checking out Plan II. If you see me tomorrow, PLEASE remind me, else I'll forget again!

current music: Eddi Reader -- "On A Whim"

2003-03-13T19:09:00.000-06:00

Happy 51st birthday, you fucking bastard.

Heh.

The actual phone call was much more polite. I was nice, and he was the one acting like a total asshole.

Anyway.

TMI, but at this point I don't really care. Consider this a warning for the easily-squicked out there (especially guys): skip over the next paragraph.

Today was another "god i want a hysterectomy, i don't care, CUT IT OUT, DAMNIT, I'LL ADOPT IF MY HUSBAND AND I WANT KIDS, OH GOD IT HURTS" day. Two in a row. Lucky me. Tomorrow should be a little bit better, pain-wise.

Yeah, anyway.

Got more mail: Stanford summer session literature, Wellesley course book, Plan II literature... Wellesley sent my mother the nicest letter.

I think I'm going to go take another ibuprofen now.

current mood: in pain
current music: James Taylor - "On The 4th Of July"

2003-03-11T17:54:00.000-06:00

More and more at peace.

That where I am. I'm finding myself more and more at peace. With myself, with everything around me.

I love to drive. On a beautiful day like today, I could drive forever with the windows and sunroof open.

Yesterday, I drove to and from work, then to and from the movie theater (I ended up going to dinner and a movie with Dad, more on that later).

I love the section of Clear Lake City Boulevard, from 3 to Beamer---it's 55, and most of the times I drive it, there aren't many other cars out there to slow you down. At the times I drive it, the other cars out there usually consider me slow, and I go the full 55.

But the point is that between Highway 3 and Beamer, there's only one interruption---45.

And when you're driving, it's so peaceful.

It's so much fun.

It almost feels like flying.

It feels freeing.

Okay, so---Dad.

He called when I was at work, and so I called him back, and we went to go see Daredevil (not my first choice, mind you).

About Daredevil: There is a certain point to which I can suspend disbelief.

The movie hit that point after about twelve minutes.

The thing that made Spiderman good was Willem Dafoe (because he's such a great actor).

Daredevil didn't have a Willem Dafoe.

Enough said, hmmm?

Dinner was okay. No mention was made of Kelly on his part, and I'm more than content to let it lie.

Because if she interferes in my life, I'm not the one who's going to suffer the consequences.

So, we talked about the movie and how it sucked.

And then I mentioned that when Paula and I had our movie-sleepover on Friday night, we watched The Usual Suspects.

I'd not seen it before in its entirety.

It is now one of my FAVORITE movies in the whole world.

Kevin Spacey cracks me up: "Big fat guy. I mean, like, orca fat."

I want to see it again, now...

Kaiser Sosay.

{grin}

And, for those of you who've seen it---I figured it out about five minutes before.

2003-03-11T17:29:00.000-06:00

College Mode: Acceptance Letter

So, Mom walks in the door this afternoon, waving a package from UT-Austin's Plan II program, asking me, "Hey, Alex, if you got a letter from Plan II, a big, fat, huge letter, is that a good thing?"

What did I do? I started laughing.

2003-03-10T10:20:00.000-06:00

Spring break is a very nice thing.

And you certainly won't hear me complaining about it.

There are things I have to get done, and there are things I want to get done, but this week is going to be relaxing, and I'm going to do my best to savor every moment of it.

So, the question for today is: "Is my father still speaking to me?"

I can safely say that the answer to that question won't faze me, either way.

Well, if the answer is yes, I'll certainly be a bit surprised.

But somehow I doubt that he and I will be having dinner together tonight, like he'd planned before we had our little phone call.

You know, the one where I spelled out exactly what I thought of Kelly (again) and let him know (very specifically) that there would be no Evan, Kelly, and Alex, that there would only be Evan and Kelly or Evan and Alex, but never a trio.

And the one where he replied, "Well, I guess I'll just not have to include you in things."

And the one where I laughed at the absurdity of it all, because he has nothing to hold over my head, and it's just plain silly now when he tries to guilt me over something.

Anyway.

Pleasant week.

It will be a very pleasant week.

And maybe I'll get three tickets to Cirque du Soleil out of it.

Who knows?

current music: Paul Simon - "The Obvious Child"

2003-03-07T14:42:00.000-06:00

Friday Five

1. What was the last song you heard? Something on the classical radio station in my car. Before that, it was Color Theory's "Ponytail Girl" on my mp3 player while I was at the gym.

2. What were the last two movies you saw? In the theater? How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days (so-so) and... um... Chicago? But overall, the last two movies I watched were My Big Fat Greek Wedding and The Shawshank Redemption (really good movie).

3. What were the last three things you purchased? Uh... That's a good question. In no particular order, gasoline, ice cream (for both Mom and I; to drown our sorrow over the weekend), and quart- and gallon-sized ziploc bags for an Environmental Science lab (we were making ice cream).

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend? Well, need is a little strong, but I need to pick up a gift for a baby shower that I'm going to miss, I need to relax, I need to write, and I need to decide whether I'm going to go see "Bringing Down The House" with Paula and Melanie tomorrow.

5. Who are the last five people you talked to? Paula, Mom, Alicia, my math Pi Day group, and Jackie & Heidi (the two count as one because the three of us were having a conversation).

current mood: free
current music: "Unwell" -- Matchbox Twenty

2003-03-06T07:36:00.000-06:00

Laughter is not only the best medicine...

...it's also the best weapon.

I won. I called him on all of his bluffs, and I won.

I laughed.

And he can't hurt me anymore.

current mood: triumphant

2003-03-04T15:00:00.000-06:00

Tuesday Five

1. What is your favorite type of literature to read (magazine, newspaper, novels, nonfiction, poetry, etc.)? Novels. My favorite authors are Margaret Atwood, Tom Clancy, Faye Kellerman, Barbara Kingsolver, and Fiona Buckley...

2. What is your favorite novel? Oooh, that's a tough one. Two of my absolute favorites are The Handmaid's Tale and Cat's Eye by Margaret Atwood, as well as The Poisonwood Bible and both of the other novels by Barbara Kingsolver that I've read... And Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird certainly ranks up there. (I mean, come on. How can you not love it?)

3. Do you have a favorite poem? (Share it!) I have several favorite poems. "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock" (T.S. Eliot), "Recuerdo" (Edna St. Vincent Millay), "Song of Myself" (Walt Whitman)... Almost anything by William Butler Yeats (he's a particular favorite of mine). There are others, I'm sure.

4. What is one thing you've always wanted to read, or wish you had more time to read? See the book list. You'll understand after that. I promise.

5. What are you currently reading? For myself (which falls on the lowest priority, mind you), Tom Clancy's Red Rabbit. For Parks, Swift's Gulliver's Travels and Voltaire's Candide. For UIL (I'm competing in Literary Criticism), Shakespeare's Richard III, the selected poetry of Edna St. Vincent Millay, and Stephen Harrigan's Gates of the Alamo. And you wonder why I have no life.

2003-03-04T08:15:00.000-06:00

A toast to Enrico Fermi

The Real Scientific Hero of 1953

2003-03-03T18:03:00.000-06:00

"Wipe your tears and let the salt stains dry..."

I'm better than that last post would have you believe.

Really.

I'm grieving. It's a process.

A process which includes mood swings.

When I wrote that in Government, I was so tired. I was worn down. I'm better now because I have momentum on my side. I can't make any promises about tomorrow.

I'm grieving; it's a process. It's the death of a dream.

It would have been so perfect...

I can't dwell on it. Hope has done me in once already; I won't allow it do succeed again. I won't allow myself to get suckered by another dream.

2003-03-03T17:43:00.000-06:00

Hope is a four-letter word.

(written during Government, at approx. 8:15a)

I didn't get much sleep last night. I slept like a rock for what little I got, tossed and turned for the most part. I stayed up talking with Mom until 10:30, then stayed up trying to numb myself until almost 11:15.

I guess it worked. I'm not feeling much of anything right now. I'm bone-tired. There's this weight, right behind my breastbone, that's slowing me down, making me feel like I'm wading through mud up all the way to my neck.

I'll bring my Wellesley letter to the Counseling Center sometime this week for the bulletin board of college acceptances. I'm not in a huge hurry.

I'm just sort of numbed.

Mom (and Dorian, and separately, I might add) tell me that it's God's plan for me. I can't say that I agree with what they believe, but I do respect them for their beliefs---and everyone's faith in me is just astounding.

I suppose there's a greater lesson in here somewhere. That which does not kill me makes me stronger. I know that already. I don't need another lesson in it, thank you.

But, for now, the lesson I've learned is, simply, that hope is a four-letter word.

current music: Tori Amos, "Here In My Head"
current mood: numb

2003-03-01T19:54:00.000-06:00

Update Mode:

The following quote has been retired from the left side:

"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving." -- Erma Bombeck

Another one has replaced it.

2003-03-01T19:38:00.000-06:00

Emory: the death of a dream.

I just have to realize that I'm only mediocre. While I'm one of the best and brightest in my sphere, on the national level, I'm only mediocre.

I'm good enough for them, but I'm not good enough for their scholars program, or the two-thirds scholarship, apparently.

I don't want to talk about it.

But, God, it hurts.

2003-02-28T08:15:00.000-06:00

Do you hear the people sing?

Ending Its Mega-Run, 'Les Miz' Comes Full Circle

Read it.

2003-02-28T07:46:00.000-06:00

Presenting the return... of the return... of the return... of Martin Guerre.

It's the return of... FORBIDDEN BROADWAY!!

So, I have a seriously wacky sense of humor. Like that's anything new.

I was driving the day before yesterday, and I'm kinda glum for no reason, and so I pop in my Forbidden Broadwau 20th Anniversary CD, and I can't stop giggling.

At least I can make my own Prozac. {grin}

The compsci students were just amazed at my use of the word "dilapidated". They want me to teach them other SAT words. {giggle}

So, um, last night, when Dad and I went to Lupe Tortilla's (amidst his complaining), Dad ordered a club soda with lime and I ordered a virgin strawberry margarita.

The waitress brought us a club soda with lemon, and a decidedly non-virgin strawberry margarita. Dad was like, "Um, can you bring this back with lime? This should have had lime." And meanwhile, I'm taking a sip of this, and it's SO disgusting with the liquor in there, and I'm like, "Um, and this should be virgin?"

LOL

Anyway. Going to go see "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days" with Paula this afternoon after work.

Cat Report: Both are back up to 110%.

Did I write up here about Parks's satire of our class? Hehehe.

Apparently, I'm "out to lunch", Ajay is a terrorist, and Cheryl has a constant little evil grin that says "up yours!"

{giggle}

I love the atmosphere of that class.

current music: compsci lecture, but contemplating taking out the MP3 player

2003-02-25T08:59:00.000-06:00

Acceptance Letter #4

Guess who might be in Boston in the fall?

Wellesley has accepted me early action. Woo-hoo!

current music: Paula Cole's "Carmen"

2003-02-25T08:28:00.000-06:00

I love TAKS.

Nevermind that the junior class gets screwed over... (Hi, Steven!)

I don't have to go to school until 10:30!

{Alex cackles gleefully}

And, yes, I woke up at 7:30 this morning (with my alarm) because I wanted to savor the morning.

2003-02-24T09:06:00.000-06:00

This is strange.

We're being indefinitely held in first period... The principal came on ten minutes ago and said they were holding the bells, and one of the assistant principals just came on and said that we were not to be released yet.

I wonder what it's all about. Mrs. Tarrant says she's just as clueless as we are.

I wonder if it has anything to do with Friday's "incident".

Probably.

2003-02-24T08:36:00.000-06:00

Last night on AIM with Maggie:

silvergirlsail (9:44:46 PM): I'm a rationalist who wants to be a romantic.
silvergirlsail (9:44:48 PM): {shrug}
indigo dances (9:45:39 PM): hehe
indigo dances (9:46:11 PM): *grin*
silvergirlsail (9:46:18 PM): Oh, god, what?
indigo dances (9:46:26 PM): nothing, lol, nothing
indigo dances (9:46:37 PM): i can hardly plot if i don't know anybody at your school
indigo dances (9:46:44 PM): but trust me, i would plot if i could
silvergirlsail (9:46:47 PM): I know.
silvergirlsail (9:46:50 PM): That's what scares me.
indigo dances (9:46:55 PM): LOL

2003-02-23T01:05:00.000-06:00
"I have measured out my life in coffee spoons..."

So, they quoted Prufrock on this past week's Law & Order.

Which was rather cool, because if you didn't know, "The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock" (T.S. Eliot) is one of my favorite poems.

Anyway.

Cat report:

Oscar's at about 90%. He's playing, which is a good thing, but he's doing a lot more resting than usual.

Missy's at about 75%. She's been hypersensitive lately, and she slept all of today (literally) because she didn't sleep any in the past 24 hours (everything irritated her skin, even moving air). But she's doing better.

The anniversary story is 23 pages. It's almost done; I'm at Monday morning.

Once I finish through the time that I get home to Mom, I'm going to go back because there are a couple of parts that I need to add in.

(Like what I just did with the part of me sitting with Dana, Andy, and Suz, and the three of them ask me what I think of Dad and Kelly.)

I still want to add in my sleepy conversation with David the night we flew in. And a bit about Kelly coming back. And when I had Dad snap the photo of me and Ethan (which I still need to scan in; it's a GREAT photo).

And then I get to go through with a fine-toothed comb and edit.

But this is all so much fun.

2003-02-21T21:49:00.000-06:00
Friday Fiver

1. What is your most prized material possession? Um, in light of yesterday's events, I'd say the cats---but they probably don't count because THEY own me. I'd have to say it's my intellectual property that I prize the most. My writings.

2. What item, that you currently own, have you had the longest?Bea or Bobby. Bea is a stuffed animal, a cat (like I would have had anything else), that I've had since I was a baby. Bobby was my security blanket.

3. Are you a packrat? Oh, yeah.

4. Do you prefer a spic-and-span clean house? Or is some clutter necessary to avoid the appearance of a museum? {coughs and looks around} Clutter. Not too much, though. But definitely some clutter always presents itself.

5. Do the rooms in your house have a theme? Or is it a mixture of knick-knacks here and there? Theme? If Mom had her way, it'd be "Southwest"... But the theme to the rooms that I inhabit is "lived in" and "going off to college in six months so I don't really care anymore". Oh, yeah, and "internet/computer technology/writing sanctuary".

current music: "I Saved The World Today" by Eurythmics

2003-02-21T10:35:00.000-06:00
I think this qualifies as a family emergency...

I saved both of my cats' lives yesterday.

Inadvertently, Mom put Kiltix (a dog preventative anti-tick medicine) on Oscar and Missy yesterday morning instead of Advantag/Frontline (the cat anti-flea medicine). She thought it was Frontline. She didn't realize, didn't notice the "DO NOT USE ON CATS" label.

When I found Oscar, he was seizing.

I tried to wash the stuff off of him; I only succeeded in smearing it further around his back. I called the vet (Mom gave me the number; I was on the phone with her when I noticed Oscar)me to wash it off, then went to talk to the doctor, putting me on hold.

I tossed Oscar into the kitchen sink and turned on the water. It scared the life out of him, and he scampered (barely) out of the sink and managed to jump (pathetically) onto the floor, where he barely was able to land.

His legs wouldn't support him when he landed, and they kept slipping out from under him when he tried to walk.

I started sobbing---

The first words out of the girl's mouth when she got back on the phone with me were: "Bring that cat right in."

I called Mom, told her I was taking him in, and I scooped him into my arms and I ran.

I ran to my car with my keys in my teeth, tossed him on the floor in front of the passenger seat, ran around to the driver's side, hopped in, started the car, and flew.

I'm lucky I saw the cop ahead of me, parked on El Dorado right when it switches to the median in the middle, to slow down in time to be within the speed limit.

I got him there, and then they told me that I'd better go and get the package that I thought Mom put on him (because at that time, she still believed she put the Frontline on them). That was the last I saw of Oscar until about 8pm.

They had Mom on the phone, so I told her I was going back to get the box.

Keep in mind that we're under a Flash Flood Advisory because of the rain.

I drove home as fast as I could (the cop was gone, so I felt justified in going five miles over the limit), and there was this total SHMUCK in front of me on the way, purposely going five miles under in the middle of the two lanes in the street leading into our neighborhood because I wanted to pass him.

And of course, I'm still sobbing behind the wheel.

I hope he burns in hell.

Anyway, I jumped out of the car (left it running), ran inside, grabbed the 1-800-Pet-Meds.com-whatever box from the laundry room, and ran back out. Missy wanted to go out, but I wouldn't let her. You know, the rain and all.

The rain probably saved her life, because at that point, she was acting fine.

When I got back to the vet's office (it took forever; no one knows how to drive in the rain), Kevin was there. I ran in, gave them the box, and showed them the Kiltix. The girl brought it in to the vet, and came back out a couple of seconds later.

"You said she put this on the other cat? Get her in. NOW."

I was dialing Mom on my cell phone. I handed the phone to Kevin, picked up my keys (my purse never entered into the equation), and ran as fast as I could out of that office, yelling back at Kevin to tell Mom where I was going.

It took me a couple of minutes to find Missy---she wasn't on Mom's bed, she wasn't eating, she wasn't on my (excuse me, her) bed...

In the mean time, Speedie had gotten into my bathroom garbage and was giving me guilty looks, but I didn't pay any attention to her. Well, actually, she helped me find Missy. When she slunk over to behind the couch, Missy was back there, too.

I picked her up (all SIXTEEN pounds of her), and I must admit that it made me feel a little bit better when she screamed at me the whole way for picking her up. I tossed her into the car where Oscar was, and off we went.

In Oscar's car ride, he couldn't even climb up onto the seat. He'd crawled under the passenger seat, and I could see his tail twitching wildly.

In Missy's car ride, she immediately climbed up on the seat (after me yelling at her when she tried to climb up where the (um, Park-Neutral-Drive shift thing?) was. After that, she clamored into the back, then got bored and ended up in my lap for the rest of the car ride.

She was starting to shake at that point. It was probably a combination of fear and the beginning effects of the Kiltix.

I'd never driven, sobbing, with a sixteen pound cat in my lap before. I have to admit, I was pretty good at it for a beginner. Missy was pretty calm in my lap, so that helped a lot.

I got her there, and one of the girls took her from my arms, and that was the last I saw of her until 8pm. Kevin and I sat in the waiting room until Mom got there at about five-thirty. He had to go back to the studio; there was a session waiting, but he stayed with me until Mom got there.

I'd been so hungry when I'd gotten home; I had oatmeal for breakfast at 6 in the morning, a carrot during lunchtime at school, and I'd gone straight to Mark's (where I do Quickbooks, remember I started over the summer?). I wasn't even hungry. I'd completely forgotten about the open tuna can that was sitting in the kitchen. There was a bowl with some mayo waiting right beside it. I just left them there and ran.

Mom and I were in the vet's waiting room until almost seven-fifteen. The staff at the vet's office stayed over an our late for us, for Oscar and Missy. (Right after I got Missy there, she started to get worse.)

They, then, put the cats in two cardboard carriers and gave them to us with directions to the Southeast Emergency Animal Clinic. We took Mom's car and left mine at the vet's office. Mom put Oscar's carrier on the front seat so that I could sit in back with Missy's.

The doctor there was so nice. I'm going to bake him some cookies.

When we got them to the examining room in the clinic, it was the first time Mom saw Oscar. She started sobbing even more than she had been.

He wasn't half as bad as when I'd found him, and he was still pretty bad off.

An hour later, they took the cats back for observation (they were very optimistic and predicted two full recoveries) and showed us out.

That's when I remembered I hadn't eaten. We hit a Jack-in-the-Box on the way back, and I scarfed down a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger (which wasn't that good, but I was starving).

I cried so much yesterday---more than I had in a year's time. I was so scared. I'd seen the CBS news special on what this stuff can do to cats. I mean, yesterday morning, the only fear we had with regard to the cats was how Missy would survive my leaving and whether I was going to bring Oscar with me my second year.

At almost nine, we got home, and I hadn't even done any of my homework. I was emotionally and physically drained. I don't know how I did all of that running; I was so sore (still am today) from working out Wednesday afternoon. Adrenaline. Now I know how mothers can pull two-ton cars off the children.

It was then that decided to take a sick day. I called Paula to let her know everything that had gone down, so she wouldn't freak out when she didn't see me the next day (because I'm not absent very often).

Mom brought them home this morning. She picked them up from the clinic and brought them home. I got up right when she walked through the door.

Missy's fine. She's still twitching a bit, and she's majorly pissed off after all the poking and prodding that she was subjected to, but she's going to be fine.

Oscar's not fully recovered, but they let us take him home (Mom brought him to the vet's about thirty minutes ago because his IV catheter started to bleed, and they took it out and gave him back). They say it'll be a couple of days before he'll be walking normally again.

His legs still occasionally give out from under him (he's THIRTEEN pounds!), and the right side of his body's sagging a bit. He twitches quite a bit when we touch him sometimes.

But he's alive---both of them are---and that's what matters.

They're going to recover.

They're going to be all right.

And so am I.

2003-02-18T07:49:00.000-06:00
I feel strange today.

Like the title says.

I feel like something bad's going to happen, only I don't know what, and it hasn't happened yet.

I can't shake the feeling that I should have just stayed at home...

I don't like this, this acidy feeling in my stomach.

(I just want to go back to sleep.)

It's not like there's much going on today. Nothing in compsci, nothing in art, and group discussion over The Rape Of The Lock in English.

I couldn't fall asleep last night. So I partially rearranged my closet.

Probably a bad move, because I didn't get back to bed until about 10:45.

And I'd promised someone I'd meet them in the compsci lab at 6:30 this morning.

Which means my alarm went off at 5:20 this morning.

I slept like a rock, with only the briefest flash of a memory of a dream or two. But, still, I'm tired. I'm not sleepy, but I'm tired. There's this weight in the middle of my chest that's slowing me down, muddling my brain, making me want to rest every five minutes.

{glares at Maggie, because she's falling down on her responsibilities}

But at least I still have that nice picture to look at. {giggle}

No, that wasn't supposed to make sense to anyone but Maggie.

I really do feel strangely today. Hopefully, it'll pass, but I have my doubts. Maybe I'll call Mom at lunch.

current background noise: the frantic keyboarding noises of the compsci students

2003-02-17T17:02:00.000-06:00
"Unspeakable Conversations"

From the New York Times article, this sentence (it's at the bottom of page 9) chilled me to the bone:
''You know, Harriet, there were some very pleasant Nazis. They say the SS guards went home and played on the floor with their children every night.''

2003-02-17T16:51:00.000-06:00
On the comments made by Maggie to the last post...

Maggie's comments:
YOY.

I'm proud of you though. And I think you handled it beautifully. Thank god you have a way with words, eh?

Btw, though, I think, when it's applicable, when it's time, you should introduce your guy to him before he finds out some other way. Then he won't have any ammunition to use against you. You have nothing to hide from him, nothing to be ashamed of. You don't need his approval in this department. As long as the guy realizes that, he'll know he's meeting your father as a courtesy only, and it'll be ok.

Keep yourself above his level. Don't do relationships behind his back.

Oh yeah, and what is this I read about a Prom date??
Grr. My first post on here got eaten before I moved this up here. I"ll try to recreate it as best I can. (Thanks for the link, BTW.)

First off, thanks for the supportive words and the advice.

I'm at peace with the Dad thing. I still have some things to say to him, to which he doesn't have the right to respond, and at that point, I'm just going to let his actions speak for him.

About Dad and meeting the future guy. It's not that I'd go behind his back, so to speak, but it's that if he continues the way he seems to be going, he's not going to have the privledge of spending time with me and my husband---or my children.

And, believe you me, that future guy and I are going to have a very honest chat about my father before the two of them interact.

About the prom date thing. Why does it surprise you? I've made no secret of wanting to be asked (provided it's by a guy I'd feel comfortable saying yes to).

I know I'm probably not going to be asked, and I'm okay with that. And I know that I'm not going to say yes to someone that I don't want to go with, just to have a date.

A little commentary, anyone? Dad, prom, the future... All of it's up for grabs. I want to hear what you think.

2003-02-16T15:26:00.000-06:00
Two words: Oh. Boy.

(And, no, that has nothing to do with my wanting to be asked to prom by someone that I'd say yes to.)

It has to do with Dad.

And Kelly.

And the fact that the jury's still out as to whether the shit's going to seriously hit the fan, or if he's going to completely ignore this and keep on going like I never said a word.

Getting the picture, now?

("My Fair Lady" was really good. It was the best TUTS production this season, by far, which actually means very little because this year's TUTS season has sucked... Good vocal talent, though.)

He doesn't know it, yet, but the topic of conversation is not over. I have one more thing to say, and, come hell or high water, I will be heard, damn it. And I won't have my words thrown back in my face later.

At dinner:
Dad: (about Kirk, the son of a friend of his) "...He's the type who can't seem to make a decision and stick by it."
Me: (wondering if he realizes what he's dropped in my lap) "I know people like that."
Dad: "You do?"
Me: "Sure. Plenty." (Do I dare say it? Oh, what the hell.) "Well, that sort of embodied your relationship with Kelly." (Other than being a like manic-depressant on speed, that is.)
Dad: "Still does."
Me: "Oh, God, tell me you're not saying what I think you are."
Dad: (nods)
Me: (coldly) "Well, you know how I feel about that." (silence for a moment, he goes back to eating. I look down at my sandwich, then look back up at him, exasperated) "Why are you wasting your time with her?"
Dad: (snippishly) "I don't see it as wasting my time."
Almost home:
Me: (as we're turning onto my street) "The phrase that I've been searching for this entire night, in regards to Kelly... Persona non grata. She is not welcome in my life, nor anyone like her."
Dad: (angrily) "I don't tell you who you can and can't see."
(The fact that I don't see anyone, at least in the capacity he's referring to, is besides the point. It's also besides the point that he doesn't have that right and that I wouldn't listen to him anyway.)

(And it's not like I'd ever introduce him to whatever guy I see... Unless forced into it, of course.)

2003-02-16T01:13:00.000-06:00
You know you're from Houston if...

(I'll post something more on-topic tomorrow; I just wanted to post something light tonight. Er, this morning. Whatever.)

From an e-mail:
(Those of you who don't live in Houston may think this is a list of exaggerations. Those who have lived here know that these are the absolute truth!)

You know you're from Houston if:

The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.

You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, 2 days after a low of 29 degrees.

Everybody has a story of a Flying Roach the size of the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you don't think he's won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes; you know that he just stepped in a fire ant bed.

You're on your way to work one February morning and suddenly you're trapped in a traffic jam caused by a chuck wagon and fifty riders on their horses.

"Luv Ya Blue" still makes you smile, even if you did run the Oilers out of town.

You know that the Astrodome will always be the 8th wonder of the world.

You come to work in short sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a "blue norther" has blown through and the temperature has dropped 40 degrees.

Your neighbor's Christmas yard decorations are a re-creation of the gunfight at the OK Corral, complete with a ten foot tree decorated with boots and cowboy hats, and a Santa Claus who looks alot like Wyatt Earp.

You wander into a section of town where you can't read the street signs because they're written in Asian characters instead of English, but you don't care because you can get great prices on fake designer merchandise and great food.

You go to an art festival and you're almost run down by hand holding cross dressers on roller blades.

You think "Y'all" is perfectly good usage if you're referring to more than one person.

For a Chili Cook Off, you'll use anything from armadillo to frog legs, but you know that the only GOOD chili is made with chopped - not ground beef, and it has NO beans and NO tomatoes.

Spring is not the season, Katy is not the lady, and 1960 is not the year.

Society matrons of "a certain age" still sport big hair and faces that have gone east, west, and north rather that south.

You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still haven't left the city limits. During rush-hour, you haven't left your NEIGHBORHOOD.

You've never seen I-45 and I-10 in any condition other than "under construction" - and you've lived here for more than 30 years.

A 747 with the space shuttle riding piggyback has actually flown low right over your house, and nobody paid any attention to it.

You know that while saving you money, "Mattress Mac" has amassed more than the U.S. Treasury.

You see nothing unusual about an eighty something former sheriff's deputy who wears a white pompadour toupee and blue sun-glasses, mispronounces names, allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and screams "MAR-VIN ZIND-ler, iiiiiiii-witness news" into a television camera every night. But some folks are still upset with him for shutting down the Chicken Ranch.

If the humidity is below 90 percent, it's a GOOD hair day.

current music: (Color Theory, "April's Bonfire")

2003-02-14T17:47:00.000-06:00
Wishing I Had An Ibuprofen

But I'm looking forward toward Oriental Gourmet tonight.

In other news, I watched Clara Harris get sentenced today on CNN. 20 years. It cracked me up when the CNN anchors were commenting on how "Harris County is a tough place"...

Anyway.

I started reading my Elizabethan mystery. I'm not disappointed. It's good so far.

I think I'm going to write a little before I have to leave to go to dinner...

current music: Color Theory's "Wishing I Had An Umbrella"

2003-02-14T07:46:00.000-06:00
So, I didn't know it was Valentine's Day until I turned on the radio this morning.

Anyway. Not like it's the defining point of the day.

I'm looking forward to going to Oriental Gourmet tonight with Melanie and Sierra and Alicia (our girls' night out), but if I'm really tired by the end of the day, I may just beg out...

I can't wait for LitCrit. It's going to be so much fun! Our novel is Stephen Harrigan's Gates Of The Alamo (note to self: add to book list), our drama is Shakespeare's Richard III, and we're reading the poetry of Edna St. Vincent Millay.

It's going to be so much fun...

Only, I've got to start reading, and soon.

I also have my Elizabethan murder mystery that's due back to the library on the 18th, so I'd better start that soon.

Oh, funfunfun.

I'm such a geek.

current music: humming along to Eddi Reader's "Lazy Heart" (it was playing in my car on the way to school)

2003-02-12T18:34:00.000-06:00
"I'm walking down the middle of the Great Western Road...

...and I'm surfing on a tarmac wave..."

Hmm... I guess I haven't posted those lyrics yet. I'll have to do that. (Eddi Reader, "Glasgow Star") "I'm here for days like these..."

Parks made my day today.

No, we didn't have the test on 17th century literature today.

But that's not what made my day.

He handed back our grades on the pressure writing we had last week, on Robert Browning's "My Last Duchess". (Great poem, by the way. The Duke of Ferrar reminded me of my father, which is why I think I was able to nail his character as easily as I did.)

And GUESS WHAT???

I made a 90!!!

I'm so thrilled.

Well, lunch was hilarious, too. Especially when Sierra's stalker-guy (or, so we call him) came over so that he could give her his paper heart (don't ask, it's some stupid thing that our school is doing)...

Yeah. We got some good laughs out of that one. Especially when Melanie and I are running off to the bathroom (separately, me first, then Melanie) to warn Sierra first that he's out there, and second, that we're trying to scare him off.

Key words: "scare him off"

Funny stuff. The pranks that Melanie's friends in England pulled gave us some good ideas.

{evil grin}

Back to studying for the government test, now.

But, yeah. 90 on pressure writing!

Squee!

2003-02-12T07:40:00.000-06:00
Wednesday lag.

I am so not applying to Baylor.

In other news, it feels like it should be Friday.

The assembly yesterday was incredibly boring and ineffectual. (Do they not realize that the people who are doing drugs aren't going to stop because a WNBA player comes and tells us that it's bad for us?).

2003-02-10T07:35:00.000-06:00
sleeping pills and laughing gas

I am so tired this morning. I don't want to face this week. I don't want the weekend to be over.

The only energy I have is for my writings.

I want to care; I really do.

I just...

...don't.

current music: wishing I was listening to "Medicine"

2003-02-09T20:51:00.000-06:00
Disappointment is...

...a bitter taste in your mouth.

...discovering something that you wanted to believe in, isn't true.

...discovering that someone that you wanted to believe would do the right thing, didn't.

...having someone else's patethic actions towards someone else screw you over completely.

...that sad feeling, knowing that you've been irrevocably changed because of something that someone else chose to do.

...a taste of bile, because you've lost all respect for someone that you'd hoped in.

...wishing that you could beat some sense into him.

...watching the beginnings of a car crash, from the middle of the intersection.

...knowing that this was coming all along and not being able to stop it.

2003-02-08T18:16:00.000-06:00
Busy week.

Yeah, what the title says.

But the timed writing went well, the Calculus test went well, the English AP-exam-styled-test over Paradise Lost went well, and I just opened a huge envelope from Rice containing my admissions decision.

And you know what that means.

My interim decision application to Rice has been accepted.

It's not that I want to go there, but it's exciting nonetheless.

Anyway.

I'm now addicted to Law & Order. It's on TNT all the time, so I've been taping it. So, yeah. Heh.

And I've been writing. I have 26 pages written that I need to type up, and I'm only at Sunday morning. In the weekend, that means I've just arrived at the brunch (fifteen minutes late, thanks to my father).

It's fun to write this. And like Victor Hugo, I tend to go off on tangents, but unlike Hugo, my tangents aren't fifty pages describing my breakfast.

{grin}

No, really.

current music: alternating between Color Theory's "Second Best" and Roy Orbison's "Mystery Girl"

2003-02-04T17:42:00.000-06:00
In case you ever wanted to know (and this isn't even half of it):

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2003-02-04T07:52:00.000-06:00
Thank you, Mags...

...for pointing me in the direction of getting a drop-down menu for my archives.

Early Release day today! Woo-hoo! Home at 10:30.

Early Release days are the greatest.

Saw Andy this morning and told him how well he did in the Senior Musical.

I don't want to do this pressure-writing today. Oh, well.

The calculus test yesterday seemed pretty easy----which is either a good sign, or a very-very-very bad sign.

I hope it's the former.

Anyway.

current music: singing along to Eddi Reader's "Prayer Wheel" in my mind

2003-02-02T09:33:00.000-06:00
Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Kyle taught me how to play Grand Theft Auto last night.

So much fun.